Journey Through the Song | Part 3: A Love Worth Following
In Episode 3 of Journey Through the Song, Sam and Debbie explore what it means for a wife to say, “Lead me,” and why loving, Christlike leadership creates a marriage worth following. As they continue through the Song of Solomon, they also address insecurity, comparison, and the longing to feel accepted. This episode tenderly connects marriage to the greater love story of Christ and His bride.
Checkout these other Family Fortress Ministries Podcasts:
TIME FOR THREE daily couples devotional: https://time-for-three.captivate.fm/listen
RELATIONSHIP REALITIES: https://relationship-realities.captivate.fm/listen
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Transcript
Welcome to the Fortifying youg Family podcast.
Speaker A:It can be daunting to navigate through an anti marriage and family culture.
Speaker A:Our teacher will expound biblical principles to help fortify our families and keep these sacred institutions strong.
Speaker A:And now, here's this week's teaching from Sam Wood.
Speaker B:Now, we talked about in the last session how that she was drawn to him romantically, we said, because he smelt good.
Speaker B:Okay, we talked a little bit about that.
Speaker B:And then we talked about also very importantly, that he was a man of character and integrity.
Speaker B:But as we go into it this week, we're going to see another major reason that she has confidence in Solomon and she is drawn to him.
Speaker B:And so we're going to jump right in and start at verse four.
Speaker B:And she says in verse four, draw me.
Speaker B:Okay, she is speaking here.
Speaker B:And then the chorus responds, we will run after thee.
Speaker B:What do you think this is saying, Deb?
Speaker B:What is she saying here?
Speaker C:When she says, draw me, she means, lead me, lead me.
Speaker C:And she's saying, I will follow after you gladly.
Speaker C:I'm devoted to you.
Speaker C:And then the virgins of the land, the daughters of Jerusalem, they respond, we will run after thee.
Speaker C:And it means that they're acknowledging Solomon's strength as a leader.
Speaker C:And that's why she's ready for him to lead her.
Speaker C:She's just told him what a great character he had, how much she respects him, and now she's ready for him to lead her.
Speaker C:And again, this is saying, singles, that your friends and your family should have input in your relationship.
Speaker C:As you're considering a relationship with somebody, it's important to pay attention to what they might think about that guy.
Speaker C:Then she continues to speak.
Speaker C:She responds to the chorus and she says, the king has brought me into his chambers.
Speaker C:They're there at the palace.
Speaker B:It's a wedding day.
Speaker C:Yes, it's pretty overwhelming.
Speaker C:I think she's just looking all around like, I can't believe this is happening to me.
Speaker C:I am here.
Speaker C:I'm out in the palace.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker C:And the daughters, they encourage her a little bit.
Speaker C:They respond to her, the daughters of Jerusalem.
Speaker C:And they say, we will be glad and rejoice in you.
Speaker C:We will remember your love more than wine.
Speaker C:And they're saying, when we look at the two of you, we see romance, we see love like we want for ourselves.
Speaker C:We're never going to forget this.
Speaker C:And then the shulamite turns her attention back to her groom, and she says, rightly, do they love you?
Speaker C:You?
Speaker C:And she's just saying, they're right in the respect that they have for you.
Speaker C:They see you as a leader also,
Speaker B:you know, but it's so important to see and understand there in verse four that she says, draw me, lead me.
Speaker B:And God, she's drawn to him because he is leading her.
Speaker B:And it reminds me of the verse in Ephesians 5:23, where it says, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.
Speaker B:And I often share with men when I'm talking to them, it's not a question of whether or not you're the head of your wife.
Speaker B:You are the head of your wife.
Speaker B:The Bible says the husband is the head of the wife.
Speaker B:But the question is, what kind of head are you?
Speaker B:What kind of biblical headship are you exercising in the relationship with your wife?
Speaker B:I love this statement by John Piper when he says, headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christlike servant leadership, protection and provision in the home.
Speaker B:The language of leadership is a language of responsibilities, not the language of rights.
Speaker B:It's a responsibility of servant leadership, not the right of lordly domination.
Speaker B:It's so much covered in that quote.
Speaker B:But I think it's really.
Speaker B:To boil it down, I think there's two extremes when it comes to men leading their wife or being the head of their wife on one side or one extreme.
Speaker B:You have men who abdicate responsibility to their wife.
Speaker B:They don't lead at all.
Speaker B:The wife ends up having to lead because a husband is not leading on the other extreme.
Speaker B:Men can be abusive in their leadership, and that is, they can be tyrannical or dominating, even as Piper referenced at the end of that quote.
Speaker B:And certainly we shouldn't be abusive in our headship.
Speaker B:We shouldn't be.
Speaker B:We shouldn't abdicate it to our wife.
Speaker B:God has given that headship to us.
Speaker B:Or I might say we shouldn't be chauvinistic or we shouldn't be cowards.
Speaker B:We're to exercise loving biblical headship that emulates the love of Jesus Christ and his church.
Speaker C:Now, also, when she acknowledges Solomon's leadership, she's also expressing from her point of view, a willingness to submit.
Speaker C:Now, that can be a very controversial word.
Speaker C:I just want to say that submission has absolutely nothing to do with.
Speaker C:With inferiority or with superiority.
Speaker C:It's much like the relationship of a coach with a very skilled, highly respected MVP player.
Speaker C:And even that player could even make more money than the coach.
Speaker C:He may have more notoriety to the coach, but there's this relationship there, a coach and player relationship.
Speaker C:So it's kind of kind of a similar thing.
Speaker C:There's voluntary allegiance or loyalty.
Speaker C:And this requires that you adapt to another person.
Speaker C:But you're not adapting out of duty.
Speaker C:You're adapting out of devotion.
Speaker C:What a difference.
Speaker C:It makes it a very sweet relationship.
Speaker C:There's an inclination in submission to cooperate, to come alongside of your man and to empower and enable him to fulfill God's purpose for your family.
Speaker C:That's what submission allows a wife to do.
Speaker C:But is it easy?
Speaker C:It is probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.
Speaker C:Not because Sam is tyrannical or anything like that.
Speaker C:It's just he thinks one way and I think another way.
Speaker C:And it's hard sometimes to submit and just do things someone else's way.
Speaker C:We always talk things out, so it's not so bad for us.
Speaker C:But it's a challenge because you're voluntarily making yourself vulnerable to mistakes of another person.
Speaker C:But, ladies, this is God's plan for the family.
Speaker C:And we have to realize we don't submit because our husbands deserve it.
Speaker C:We don't submit because they earned it.
Speaker C:We submit because we trust God.
Speaker C:And this is what his word says.
Speaker C:So submission is really.
Speaker C:It's an act of faith.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, it really pictures the relationship of Christ and the church.
Speaker B:That is Christ lovingly, perfectly lovingly leading the church, his bride, and then the church submitting unto Christ.
Speaker B:And so that picture, as we've said previously, is a picture of the gospel.
Speaker B:And God wants again, our marriages to be an earthly manifestation of the gospel, of Jesus Christ, of Jesus and his bride, the church.
Speaker B:So we have that opportunity.
Speaker B:When a husband is rightly loving and emulating the love of Christ and a wife is submitting back to her husband and the headship that God has given to him, then it is a picture of the gospel.
Speaker B:It's beautiful.
Speaker B:It can be beautiful.
Speaker C:And, you know, the daughters of Jerusalem looked at their relationship and said, that's what we want, too.
Speaker C:And that's what happens when your kids look at your relationship, when the world looks at your relationship, if you're leading and submitting properly, then they see.
Speaker C:They see the gospel.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:So what a privilege it is in a married relationship to actually submit the way that a believer would follow Christ.
Speaker C:But it's still hard.
Speaker C:And submission, though, can become a much easier, more natural way of life.
Speaker C:When the husband exercises loving Christ, like leadership, the way that Sam just described it.
Speaker C:You see, I delight in following Sam.
Speaker C:When he speaks kindly to me, when he's respectful to me, it just.
Speaker C:It stirs me to devotion when he does that.
Speaker C:But when he prays with me, it's a different level because I'm not talking about a mechanical prayer.
Speaker C:But when I can see Sam bearing his heart before the Lord with me, when he admits what he's struggling with, when he admits his weaknesses, and when he asks God for help, when he asks God for direction, it really helps me to submit to him.
Speaker C:And when he opens up the Word of God, when he opens up the Bible, he shows me his personal fascination with God and what God's shown him and what God is saying, it frees me to follow him.
Speaker C:Because I feel like in that way, I'm not just submitting to Sam, but I am submitting to God through Sam.
Speaker B:So a husband can make it easier, a wife to submit to him.
Speaker B:And I know as you say those things, some people are maybe sitting there thinking, oh, you're married to a perfect husband.
Speaker B:By no means.
Speaker B:Debbie tell you that I still am working on me every day, and all of us husbands certainly need to do that.
Speaker B:But I found that if I will take time to read the Word of God with Debbie daily, I take time to pray with her.
Speaker B:When she sees my submission to God, as she said, when we pray together, I don't pray silently.
Speaker B:We pray out loud.
Speaker B:And she hears me crying out to God, God, I don't know what we're going to do this week financially or when we had our boys at home.
Speaker B:God, I don't know what to do in a situation with our boys or whatever that situation might be.
Speaker B:We're praying together.
Speaker B:Then she sees my submission to God, and it does make it much easier for her to submit to me.
Speaker B:I often ask men the question, how easy would it be if.
Speaker B:For your wife, if you are your wife and you were submitting to you, if you can think that through, you know, it would be easy.
Speaker B:Would it?
Speaker B:Some of you guys say, well, I don't know.
Speaker B:That wouldn't be too easy.
Speaker B:I'm pretty selfish.
Speaker B:I'm pretty tyrannical.
Speaker B:I'm not loving my wife as Christ loves the church.
Speaker B:Think about that.
Speaker B:You know, think about.
Speaker B:About how easy it is for your wife to submit to you make it much easier.
Speaker B:You bring trust into the relationship, which is a bridge to every relationship.
Speaker B:When you take time to read the Word of God with your wife, when you take time to pray with your wife, it makes a big difference.
Speaker B:And we have a book.
Speaker B:I didn't bring it out here.
Speaker B:I meant to called Time for Three.
Speaker B:This is so important.
Speaker B:Several years ago, we wrote a devotional couples Devotional book.
Speaker B:Time for three.
Speaker B:And so I hope, if you'd like, if you don't have a devotional book, guys, some of you guys are saying, I've never done that.
Speaker B:I've never had devotions with my wife.
Speaker B:Things like this, I like to get started.
Speaker B:Then that's why we wrote this book.
Speaker B:And there's a lot of good resources like that out there, so you can check that out.
Speaker C:Also, it is available on podcast, too.
Speaker B:Yeah, we have it on podcast.
Speaker B:I'm glad you said that now.
Speaker C:But the next two verses.
Speaker C:The wife is struggling with some insecurity, and she says, I am black.
Speaker C:Well, she's not quite the wife yet.
Speaker C:This is the wedding day.
Speaker C:I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem.
Speaker C:As the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon, look not upon me because I'm black, because the sin hath looked upon, because the sun hath looked upon me.
Speaker C:My mother's children were angry with me.
Speaker C:They made me the keeper of the vineyards.
Speaker C:But my own vineyard have I not kept.
Speaker C:You see, like we said, Shulamite just recently arrived at the palace and she's looking around.
Speaker C:This is quite overwhelming.
Speaker C:And she's seeing all these ladies of the court, and she's considering them.
Speaker C:They are palace pretties, and they're dignified, they're refined, they're rich, they're beautiful.
Speaker C:This is intimidating.
Speaker C:And I don't know if you can remember the first time that you met your future husband's family and friends, and you feel like you're under existence examination because they're all checking you out where this bride is a little bit different because she's not just under the examination of family and friends.
Speaker C:The whole kingdom is looking at her and checking her out.
Speaker C:And at the time of Solomon's reign, the cultural standard for beauty was fair, soft skin.
Speaker C:But, hey, she's a country girl and she has this dark suntan, so she feels like she's going to be unacceptable to all these other ladies that are scrutinizing her out there in the kingdom.
Speaker C:And she compares her skin tone to things that are dark.
Speaker C:One of them is the tents of Kedar.
Speaker C:Now, the tents of Kedar were woven from this very expensive black goat's hair.
Speaker C:And it was known to just glisten and sparkle in the sun.
Speaker C:And then she's in the palace and she's looking around too, and she sees all these curtains, Solomon's curtains.
Speaker C:And these curtains were beautiful.
Speaker C:They were exquisite tapestries, and they were made from very dark but rich wool.
Speaker C:And so she's admiring these dark items and she's telling the daughters of Jerusalem, you admire these dark items too, so please, would you not judge me just because I'm dark.
Speaker C:And then she explains the reason why she doesn't meet this cultural standard of beauty.
Speaker C:She says, my brothers are my guardian brothers.
Speaker C:They made me work long hours out in the sun.
Speaker C:They own vineyards.
Speaker C:I worked in the vineyards.
Speaker C:And by doing that, she got a tan and she got muscles.
Speaker C:And she says she couldn't spend hours primping and having makeovers for her own vineyard, so she doesn't need this cultural standard of beauty.
Speaker C:Now, this is pretty typical.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So another interesting insight there too.
Speaker B:As you mentioned, that her brothers, it says, you know, all through the song, it says nothing about a father.
Speaker B:So it kind of indicates she had a fatherless home or there was a brokenness in that home.
Speaker B:It's interesting, too.
Speaker B:Part of that insecurity she had.
Speaker C:Right, right.
Speaker C:Another part of the insecurity.
Speaker C:And her brothers made her work out there in the vineyard.
Speaker C:But, you know, so she's obsessing over how she looks.
Speaker C:She's concerned about it.
Speaker C:Am I going to be accepted, acceptable to all these other people?
Speaker C:You know, most females I know, they obsess about how others view their looks.
Speaker C: the United States in the year: Speaker B:You didn't say million, you said billion.
Speaker C:Billion, that's right.
Speaker B:It's huge.
Speaker B:Is that for men and women?
Speaker C:I'm not sure.
Speaker C:Not sure.
Speaker B:Most of it women, I'm sure.
Speaker C:90 billion, though.
Speaker B:Men obsessed.
Speaker C:That is how concerned we are with how we look.
Speaker C:And, you know, when we have a bad hair day, a lot of times we females, we tend not just to fret over at ourselves, we point it out to everybody we run into and tell them what a rough day it was, how bad our hair looks.
Speaker C:Then we have all these excuses.
Speaker C:You know, I got up late, my flat iron burned out, and the kids got my mascara wand and they used it to decorate the walls.
Speaker C:And, you know, we just fret over it and.
Speaker C:And we talk about it with others.
Speaker C:We can become totally consumed by what other people think about how we look.
Speaker C:And, you know, it's not just about our looks either.
Speaker C:Some of us have a dark past.
Speaker C:Not just dark skin maybe, but we.
Speaker C:We have a dark past and we feel judged by other people because of inadequacies, because of shame, because of guilt.
Speaker C:And we long to be accepted.
Speaker C:We want others to, to view us as.
Speaker C:As acceptable and even admirable.
Speaker C:And we might obsess over the darkness in our lives.
Speaker C:And when we do that, we usher in misery in our relationships.
Speaker C:I can say personally, I've been debilitated many times by feelings of failure.
Speaker C:It's a battle, it's a torture for a relationship.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:When a wife feels that way, it's very difficult for her because she feels so much insecurity and so many women do feel that way.
Speaker B:And as we're going to see in the next session, in the verses to come, you know that Solomon is reassures his bride that she is the one.
Speaker B:I love it.
Speaker B:You know, he's a romantic dude and he just starts talking about how beautiful she is.
Speaker B:We'll see that in the next session.
Speaker B:But I love it.
Speaker B:It doesn't matter to him what other women think of her.
Speaker B:What matters to him is what he thinks of her.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And you know, when you, when you get married, no other woman is your standard of beauty.
Speaker B:Your wife is your standard of beauty.
Speaker B:And so she is his standard of beauty, you know?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And you know, Solomon, he's a picture of our groom of Christ and all of us, every one of the bride, we have a dark, we have a disgusting, we have an unacceptable past.
Speaker C:But Ephesians 1:6 declares that because of his grace, I'm accepted in the Beloved.
Speaker C:He sees me with different eyes.
Speaker C:He loves me, he accepts me and my past, it's been washed clean.
Speaker C:And I am covered by healing his righteousness.
Speaker C:When he looks at me, he doesn't see my past, he sees what he's done for me.
Speaker C:And that's what I should see too.
Speaker C:My identity is not my failure.
Speaker C:My identity is what Christ has done for me.
Speaker C:And because I'm accepted in Christ and by Christ and my joy and my confidence is not controlled by what other people think of me.
Speaker C:When I concentrate on the character of Christ and when I think about and remind myself how much he loves me, what he's done for me when I didn't deserve it, how much he loves me, instead of thinking about me and obsessing over my failures, I'm ready to pour out love.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And we can love because he first loved us.
Speaker B:As you were sharing that.
Speaker B:I think about somebody with a dark past was Paul.
Speaker B:You know, you think about, he killed Christians and he did all these horrible things.
Speaker B:But you know, one of his favorite things to say is I am in Christ.
Speaker B:He found his identity now.
Speaker B:He was accepted in the beloved, accepted in Christ.
Speaker B:And you know, Deb and I both are so thankful that you know the darkness and blackness of our sins were dealt with on the cross.
Speaker B:They were washed by the blood of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
Speaker B:And as the bride of Christ, I read this this morning.
Speaker B:I love this verse in Second Corinthians, chapter three, and I think it's in verse 18.
Speaker B:It says that we're all in a process of becoming more beautiful and more like Christ as we behold his beauty.
Speaker B:So the more I behold the beauty of Christ, the more beautiful we become a process of sanctification as a child of God.
Speaker B:And certainly if you're watching this and you're in the darkness of your sin, then certainly the invitation from God today is to call out by faith on him and him alone, Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, repent, turn from your sins and turn to Christ and He'll forgive you for your sins and you can have your identity now in Christ and be accepted in the Beloved too.
Speaker B:This is such an exciting study and next week we're going to go into the next verses, which do talk about.
Speaker B:Solomon finally starts talking in this and talking back to her, and we're going to go and look at the wedding feast a little bit.
Speaker B:It's going to be a lot of fun as we continue the journey next week.
Speaker A:Thank you for joining the Fortifying youg Family podcast, and if you feel encouraged by today's teaching, give us a follow so we can invite you back and share us on your socials so more marriages and families can be strengthened and fortified through the truths of God's word.
Speaker A:Remember, fortifying your family starts with a strong belief in God's Word.
Speaker B:Sa.
