Journey Though the Song | Part 16: From Routine to Romantic - Creative Ideas for Intimacy
In Episode 16 of Journey Through the Song, Sam and Debbie explore the importance of intentional pursuit in marriage as love moves beyond conflict and into deeper connection. Through a beautiful country getaway scene in the Song of Solomon, the couple uncovers the power of anticipation, creativity, and making time for one another in the midst of life’s demands. This episode offers practical wisdom for keeping romance alive and protecting this precious bond of unity that God designed marriage to enjoy. (Song 7:11-8:6a)
Checkout these other Family Fortress Ministries Podcasts:
TIME FOR THREE daily couples devotional: https://time-for-three.captivate.fm/listen
RELATIONSHIP REALITIES: https://relationship-realities.captivate.fm/listen
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Free Online Premarital Training: https://preparingforpartnership.org/
Transcript
Welcome to the Fortifying youg Family podcast.
Speaker A:It can be daunting to navigate through an anti marriage and family culture.
Speaker A:Our teacher will expound biblical principles to help fortify our families and keep these sacred institutions strong.
Speaker A:And now, here's this week's teaching from Sam Wood.
Speaker B:Verse 11.
Speaker B:She says, Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field.
Speaker B:Let us lodge in the villages.
Speaker B:Let us get up early to the vineyards.
Speaker B:Let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear and the pomegranates bun forth.
Speaker B:There will I give thee my loves.
Speaker B:So she's following her original plan.
Speaker B:Now she's saying, okay, honey, we need to get away.
Speaker B:What I really need is some private time with you.
Speaker B:This was her original plan, so she follows through with it.
Speaker B:And she's enticing him, though, and stimulating him.
Speaker B:She's not nagging him, hey, we gotta get out of here.
Speaker B:If you don't, I'm gonna lose it.
Speaker B:She's not saying that she's enticing him.
Speaker B:And the language that she's using draws him away, makes him wanna follow right after her.
Speaker B:So I can say, utilize enticing conversation to promote the anticipation of romance.
Speaker B:Because, see, intimacy can become dull if it gets routine all the time.
Speaker B:So what you need to do is be creative in your romance.
Speaker B:At the end of this verse that I just read, she says, there will I give thee my love.
Speaker B:She's just described all of this nature and all these things that they're going to go look for in the country.
Speaker B:Then she says, there will I give thee my love.
Speaker B:She's enticing him to go make out, to make love outdoors.
Speaker C:And we don't suggest you do that.
Speaker C:We're not counseling you to do that.
Speaker C:You do.
Speaker C:You better make sure the Boy Scouts aren't out and the poison ivy isn't out.
Speaker C:A lot of things aren't out.
Speaker B:But look at verse 13.
Speaker B:She continues.
Speaker B:She says, the mandrakes give a smell, and at our gates are all manner of pleasant fruits, new and old, which I've laid up for thee, oh, my beloved.
Speaker B:Now, mandrakes were supposed to give forth this fragrance that encouraged the act of love.
Speaker B:If you remember back in Genesis, Rachel begged Leah's son to give me those mandrakes.
Speaker B:I got to have them because she wanted to get pregnant.
Speaker B:And that's why she was begging him for him.
Speaker B:So this is what the mandrakes are known for.
Speaker B:So Shulamite.
Speaker B:She's filling Solomon with this anticipation that the mandrakes are calling us if we get out There, you know, that's what we're going to want to do together.
Speaker B:And she refers to old fruit and new fruit.
Speaker B:And the old fruit is probably referring to sexual pleasures that they had in the past.
Speaker B:And she's saying, and besides that, I've got some new stuff stored up for you.
Speaker B:Also, when she refers to this new fruit, you know, that could be anything.
Speaker B:I mean, she might just have a new nightgown for him, I don't know.
Speaker B:Or she might have a new bottle of lotion she wants to rub all over him.
Speaker B:But anyway, she's saying, I got some surprises for you.
Speaker B:Let's get away.
Speaker B:And it's really, really healthy for a marriage to anticipate a good sexual union.
Speaker B:It's good creativity.
Speaker B:And ladies, I want to challenge you to be creative.
Speaker B:And I got another quote from Joseph Dillo Solomon on sex.
Speaker B:And he says, a wise woman once said, you can become a Rembrandt in your sexual art, or you can stay at the paint by number stage.
Speaker B:The woman who would never think of serving her husband the same frozen television dinner every evening sometimes serves him the same frozen sexual response every night.
Speaker B:Sex, like supper, loses much of its flavor when it becomes predictable.
Speaker B:It.
Speaker B:It is biblical for a wife to be a skillful lover to her husband.
Speaker B:So be creative and don't allow your intimacy just to be reduced to the same old thing, to be reduced to routine.
Speaker B:But plan an intimate getaway occasionally and stay innovative in your expression of love.
Speaker B:And in order to help you do that, the books that we've mentioned, Intimate Issues and and Intimacy Ignited, are filled with very, very good suggestions and helpful things that are creative that you can use.
Speaker B:They're not quite as risky as making love outdoors.
Speaker B:And in the book Intimate Issues, there is a specific chapter on this that helps you to learn to be creative.
Speaker B:It's the best chapter in the book.
Speaker B:So you all need to get it to read it.
Speaker C:Look at chapter eight.
Speaker C:Look at verse one.
Speaker C:She continues to entice.
Speaker C:She says, oh, that thou wert as my brother that sucked the breast of my mother.
Speaker C:When I should find thee without, I would kiss thee.
Speaker C:Yea, I should not be despised.
Speaker C:Now she's saying, I wish I could unashamedly kiss you in public like I can kiss my brother.
Speaker C:And in that day and time, it was, you know, taboo that you would go out and they would have public affection in any way.
Speaker C:But she says, it's okay for me in public to kiss my brother, but if I were to kiss you in public, then it would look very inappropriate.
Speaker C:Be Very inappropriate behavior for me to do that.
Speaker C:She goes on to say, I would lead thee and bring thee into my mother's house.
Speaker C:Who would instruct me?
Speaker C:I would cause thee to drink of spice wine, of the juice of my pomegranate.
Speaker C:The shulamite is explaining here that original sexual instruction that she had came from her mother, a single parent.
Speaker C:So her mother took time to talk to her about the things concerning sexual intimacy.
Speaker C:And she's talking about that learning about sex needs to take place in the home.
Speaker C:And so that children won't learn about it from the tv, from the locker room, and from where they shouldn't learn about it.
Speaker C:It ought to be taught in the home.
Speaker C:And she can communicate very openly with her husband because her mother was very open with her.
Speaker C:And she says, I would kiss you and then lead you to my mother's house.
Speaker C:And she's saying that she needs again some private time with him.
Speaker C:She's again continuing this enticement to have a special time together and to love each other.
Speaker C:And look at verse three.
Speaker C:His left hand could be under my head and his right hand should embrace me.
Speaker C:She speaks like she did on the wedding night, talks about him fondling her about this sexual progression again.
Speaker C:She goes on to say, again and gives us warning again.
Speaker C:I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you stir not up nor awake my love until he please.
Speaker C:So again, as she refers to this time of sexual intimacy, she's again saying, listen, daughters of Jerusalem, you don't do this, what we're doing, unless you're married.
Speaker C:There's a time where this is pleasing to do it, and that's when you're married.
Speaker C:But you wait till you're married before you stir this up.
Speaker C:So God again is re emphasizing this.
Speaker C:Premarital sex can affect the ability to completely enjoy each other during marriage, as we said before.
Speaker C:And these problems include premature ejaculation, guilt, and the inability to reach orgasm.
Speaker C:And we describe some other associated problems when couples get involved sexually before they're married.
Speaker C:Look at verse five.
Speaker C:And they've enjoyed a vacation in the country.
Speaker C:And the chorus asks this question, who is this that cometh up from the wilderness leaning upon her beloved?
Speaker C:So they're asking this question.
Speaker C:And Solomon responds, I raise thee up under the apple tree.
Speaker C:Notice the reference to the apple tree again.
Speaker C:There thy mother brought thee forth.
Speaker C:There she brought thee forth that bare thee.
Speaker C:So Solomon is speaking, and he says, you know, we've just enjoyed making love outside under the apple tree near.
Speaker C:Somewhere near your home.
Speaker C:And she is leaning, if you can picture the scene.
Speaker C:They're coming up the country road, and she is leaning on his shoulder.
Speaker C:He's getting ready to go on a distant trip, the king's business.
Speaker C:And she desires an affirmation of love from him.
Speaker C:And this is beautiful.
Speaker C:As we look down through these remaining verses, Shulamite is speaking.
Speaker C:Look at verse six.
Speaker C:Set me as a seal upon thine heart, a seal upon thine arm.
Speaker C:So she requests Solomon seal her in his heart and seal her in his arm.
Speaker C:Now, a seal was a ring or a locket back in that day and time that was stamped upon something to make an impression upon it.
Speaker C:She wants to be stamped upon his heart, stamped upon his arm.
Speaker C:She wants to be engraved upon him, we might say.
Speaker C:And a seal would be used in the Old Testament days to indicate ownership of someone's most prized possession.
Speaker C:So she wanted to make sure that this seal upon his heart and arm indicated that she was his most prized possession.
Speaker C:And as we look at this, we see this confirmation that she desires from her husband this affirmation of love.
Speaker C:So first she asked him to engrave her upon her heart, indicating unconditional, unending love.
Speaker C:She says, I want to make sure that I am your one true love.
Speaker B:Husbands, have you ever noticed that your wives keep saying, do you love me?
Speaker B:Do you love me?
Speaker B:They keep asking that question.
Speaker B:That's what she's talking about here.
Speaker B:I just need to hear it.
Speaker B:I need to know it.
Speaker B:I need to be assured that you really, really do love me.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker C:So she says, I want to be sealed on your heart.
Speaker C:I want to know that I am the one that's the center of your affection, and I'm sealed upon you.
Speaker C:So he's getting ready to leave, and she desires his confirmation of love by being sealed in his heart.
Speaker C:And then she says, to be sealed on your arm.
Speaker C:And the arm indicates power.
Speaker C:It indicates strength and security, we might say.
Speaker C:And often a woman will take the arm of her husband, and many times you wives have done that and indicates that, like he's her protector and the husband should protect his wife.
Speaker C:And she not only wants his love to be born, but to be born up in his arms and be a source, we might say, and comforted by his strength.
Speaker C:And so she says, I want you to be sealed in my heart.
Speaker C:I want to make sure that I'm constantly in your affections, but I want to make sure that also I'm sealed on your arm.
Speaker C:That and let you know that you are my source of strength.
Speaker C:If she's sealed upon his heart and arms she is continually in his thoughts and actions.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:And that's what she's saying.
Speaker C:This is a beautiful picture of the love that every wife desires from her husband.
Speaker C:And it's a loving devotion of a husband who responds to his wife in the right way.
Speaker C:Now, this seal was twofold.
Speaker C:It's inner feelings and outer behavior.
Speaker C:We might say the inner feelings and outer behavior.
Speaker C:And that's what she desires from him?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:She wants to make sure he belongs to her.
Speaker B:And I think that ladies also, we need to remember that we should be sealed to our husbands also.
Speaker B:And you shouldn't break this seal to bond with or even to please another man.
Speaker B:Tommy Nelson says, once you're married, your flirting days are over, except when you flirt with your spouse.
Speaker B:I had this lady come to me one time after a marriage conference.
Speaker B:She called me up.
Speaker B:She drove three hours to see me.
Speaker B:And I connected with her at the marriage conference because I could just see her heart for God.
Speaker B:She taught a lot of ladies Bible stories, really intent in her relationship.
Speaker B:And she called me.
Speaker B:I was real excited about her coming, and she started pouring out her story to me.
Speaker B:And her husband was really dead to her emotionally.
Speaker B:He never paid her any attention.
Speaker B:And she was just struggling with it.
Speaker B:And so she admitted to me that she had to catch herself because she found herself going to church.
Speaker B:And there was a man at church.
Speaker B:And every time she got to church, this man would tell her how nice she looked and would just compliment her and say all these nice things to her.
Speaker B:And so she said she found out when she was at home getting ready to go to church, she realized she was thinking in her mind, you know, I think I'll wear that dress because this guy liked it.
Speaker B:And she found herself dressing to please that other man because she was so absolutely starved for attention.
Speaker B:But she knew she was in the word enough.
Speaker B:And she knew enough that she knew it was a danger.
Speaker B:And that's why she came for me.
Speaker B:She just needed somebody to admit this to.
Speaker B:And I needed to pray with her.
Speaker B:And we needed to talk about different fences she could set up to guard herself.
Speaker B:But really important ladies, I remind you of Proverbs 4.
Speaker B:23.
Speaker B:It says, Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.
Speaker B:In other words, if you're thinking on something, you'll eventually live it out in your life.
Speaker B:So that's what she was guarding.
Speaker B:And another good fence to set up for yourself to guard yourself with is to never be alone or eat with another man.
Speaker B:Because, you see, eating is very Very intimate.
Speaker B:Another quote from Tommy Nelson.
Speaker B:He says, don't eat alone with a person of the opposite sex.
Speaker B:Eating together is one of the most intimate things that two people can do.
Speaker B:You're inviting disaster if you make this a practice.
Speaker B:And I can say in our experience this is true.
Speaker B:A lot of affairs start when somebody just grabs a bite to eat together with someone.
Speaker B:They're not.
Speaker B:Because you're going to talk and you're going to connect and you're going to bond over that meal.
Speaker B:But one thing you need to do is make sure your family does eat together because you want to bond with them, especially your kids.
Speaker B:Do you know that the percentage of generation juvenile delinquency drastically drops in families that eat together?
Speaker B:Because it's a time when they talk about what's going on in their lives, a real connection.
Speaker B:So be aware of emotionally bonding with another man.
Speaker B:And one more example.
Speaker B:We had this youth pastor call us up a couple years ago, and he was just a wreck.
Speaker B:And he was looking for counseling.
Speaker B:He lived, like, in Michigan, and he was looking for counseling, called us, asked us all these different questions and what happened?
Speaker B:And he ended up coming to see us.
Speaker B:But his wife, he and his wife both, they'd grown up in Christian families.
Speaker B:They'd gone to Christian schools.
Speaker B:He was in ministry, minister of youth, and very, very busy.
Speaker B:I mean, he was very focused and intent on his job as minister of youth.
Speaker B:And his wife had three young children, you know, together.
Speaker B:They had three young children.
Speaker B:Well, she was dying emotionally.
Speaker B:He was never there for her.
Speaker B:And she was going to church, and she was on the praise team at church.
Speaker B:And the leader of the praise team would tell her what a wonderful voice she had and how she was ministering to people and.
Speaker B:And how he admired her.
Speaker B:And she had such a lack of attention from her husband.
Speaker B:She was craving this.
Speaker B:Now, I'm talking about church staff here.
Speaker B:It can happen to anybody.
Speaker B:And this guy asked her one time, well, how about we go and grab something to eat?
Speaker B:Because her husband was busy with the youth.
Speaker B:So she thought, okay.
Speaker B:So they just went very innocently, and she went and got something to eat with him.
Speaker B:Then the guy later on said, another different time.
Speaker B:He said, hey, let's go out and take a ride together.
Speaker B:And she felt like she owed him because he bought her a meal.
Speaker B:And so she went with him and ended up in this huge affair.
Speaker B:And her husband had found out about it.
Speaker B:It had blown up.
Speaker B:And let me tell you, she was in the state of shock because she thought, how could I have ever done this?
Speaker B:She never intend, never planned, never schemed or plotted for this.
Speaker B:It just happened.
Speaker B:That's why you need to keep your heart with all diligence.
Speaker B:You need to be aware and do set up fences like this for yourself.
Speaker B:And fortunately, they so much wanted to put their lives back together.
Speaker B:They were willing both to admit to God the things they had done wrong.
Speaker B:They were willing to start all over.
Speaker B:So the marriage was salvaged.
Speaker B:But it's just a warning.
Speaker B:You need to seal yourself upon each other's hearts and arms.
Speaker A:Thank you for joining the Fortifying youg Family podcast, and if you feel encouraged by today's teaching, give us a follow so we can invite you back and share us on your socials so more marriages and families can be strengthened and fortified through the truths of God's Word.
Speaker A:Remember, fortifying your family starts with a strong belief in God's Word.
