Let's Kiss & Make Up | Part 1

Host: 00:00:03

Welcome to the fortifying your family podcast. It can be daunting to navigate through an anti marriage and family culture.

Our teacher will expound biblical principles to help fortify our families and keep these sacred institutions strong. And now here's this week's teaching from Sam Wood.

Sam Wood: 00:00:23

We're going to preach tonight on let's kiss, make up. Let's kiss and make up. And I want you to, we're going to look at tonight probably the most romantic couple in the Bible.

You say, brother Sam, who is that? Who's the most romantic couple in the Bible? That would be Solomon and his bride, the Shulamite, in the song of Solomon.

So I want you to turn there with me tonight. Song of Solomon, chapter five. Song of Solomon, chapter five.

And certainly this is a book that we don't look a lot in, in the church, but certainly there's so much here for us to see and understand that God has for us, especially for us looking toward marriage or those who are married. Now, if you're not familiar with the song of Solomon, then let me just kind of give you a real quick overview.

In the song of Solomon, it's the most beautiful song the Bible says it's ever been written, the most beautiful song God says that's ever been known to Mandev. And it's a story of Solomon. It's a story of his bride, the Shulamite. And there's a chorus in the song of Solomon called the Daughters of Jerusalem.

And there's 15 reflections in this song that are reflections on their relationship from the time that they meet their courting to the day of their wedding, the night in the bridal chamber, in their marriage relationship after they are married and in their honeymoon, and also in different situations when they face conflict, as we'll see here tonight. It's a beautiful, beautiful story. And it's kind of written in a flashback, we might say in a movie flashback mode.

That is, you can read one section and it kind of flashes back to another time in the relationship. So sometimes it can be kind of a hard book to understand unless you really study it. And a lot of times that's why we don't hear a lot about it.

But it certainly has a lot for us in the word of God as we look toward relationships. Now, if you're here tonight and you're single, then you'll probably say, preacher, is this apply to me?

Well, it certainly does, because 90% of those who are single here tonight will one day statistically be married. That is nine out of ten of you young people here today, young men, young ladies, one day, statistically, you will be married.

Now, when we talk about conflict resolution and we're talking about resolving conflict, that applies to everybody anyway. Amen.

Whether you're married or whether you're single or whether you are retired, living by yourself, whatever our age is, certainly we all need God's enlightenment and understanding when it comes to conflict resolution. And so we see in this beautiful love story, a part of this story that's a conflict, and we see that in chapter five. And I want to read verse two.

We'll have a word of prayer. Then we'll dive right in and unpack a little bit of this chapter in the next tonight and talk about the subject. Let's kiss and make up.

Look at verse two with me. Song of Solomon, chapter five. This is a shulamite, and she's dreaming. She says, I sleep, but my heart waketh. Or she's in the bridal chamber.

She's in the bed and she's sleeping, but she's having, like, a dream. It is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled.

For my head is filled with dew and my locks with the drops of the night. Now, in verse two, we see that the shulamite is in the bridal chamber, and she is having this thought, she is having this dream and her inner dream.

ate at night. It's very maybe: 11:00

And so he knocks on the door and he says, open to me, my beloved, my love, my dove. And he paints it on real thick. I mean. I mean, he wants to come inside. And so he's trying to get inside of the bridal chamber, trying to get his wife.

And this is his wife, they are married. And so he's wanting to come into the bridal chamber with her. Now, look at her response in verse three. She says, I have put off my coat.

How shall I put it on? I've washed my feet. How shall I defile them? Now, as you read verse three, you can get the feeling she's a little ticked.

I mean, she's thinking to herself, where in the world have you been? Why are you getting here so late? She said, listen, I've already put off my shoes. Listen, I've put off my robe. I'm already in the bed.

You want me to have to get up and get my feet dirty again. I mean, she is acting very snobby. I mean, she's not real happy about him coming back late at night, okay?

And that's the setting here as we look at this story. So she's very, very, very upset now, as we look at this, and she's upset at him, and we see here that she kind of rejects him.

Now, it's very, very important for us to understand. Very, very important for you ladies to understand here tonight. The greatest need that your husband has is a need for respect.

So let me just interject that here tonight, and that's very, very important for us to understand. In fact, there's a little book, I don't have it with me tonight, called for women only, about how woman can understand a man, okay?

And in this book, it says, from the statistics that they've taken, that men had rather feel alone and unloved and inadequate and disrespected. Men had rather feel alone and unloved and inadequate and disrespected.

And many men here today would probably agree and say, yeah, preacher, that's really, really true. Now, ladies, you really need to realize your husband has a very frail ego. I mean, he can take rejection at the workplace.

Listen, he can face business reversals out here. He can face other problems. But when he comes home, he wants it to be a safe haven.

When he comes home, he wants his wife to look up to him, to reverence him and to respect him.

In fact, the closing verse in ephesians five, the classic text on marriage, in the Bible, in that closing verse, in the very last phrase of verse 33, it says, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. So Solomon wants to hear, when he comes to the door, he wants to hear what a hunky is. I mean, he wants to hear how smart he is.

He wants to hear about how good looking he is. He wants to hear, honey, I'm so proud of you. Okay? Every husband wants to hear that from his wife and wives. You need to understand that.

In fact, let's just take a second. Let's just apply the message right now, ladies, you're sitting next to your husband.

Look over your husband right now and say, honey, you're just a hunk. You can do it. Come on, honey, you're just a hunk. Now, some of y'all are right. He is a big hunk. But say it in the right way. Honey, you're just a hunk.

You know, I'm really. I really love you, and I'm proud of you. He needs to hear that, and he needs to hear it often.

Now, it's been my observation over time, and I deal with a lot of pastors and wives, a lot of couples, that a bad woman can bring down a good mandeh, she can bring him down. But at the same time, a good woman can bring an average man up and help that man be what he never could be.

And so it's very, very important to understand that you, as a wife, need to show respect and reverence to your husband. Now, Solomon here is rejected. How is he going to respond? Now, look at this with me. Look at verse four and verse five.

And in these verses, he makes another effort. He says, my beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.

I rose up to open to my beloved, and my hands dropped with myrrh, my fingers with a sweet smelling myrrh upon the handles of the lock. And you say, preacher, what in the world is going on here? Well, the custom in that day and time is in the bridal chamber door.

They would have a hole in the door. And the reason they would have a hole in that door is so the husband could reach his hand in that hole and leave a gift for his wife.

Now, a lot of you wives are getting excited because you're thinking, I'm going to go back and get a hole cut in my bedroom door. Amen. And every time my husband comes in, he's going to have to leave me a gift when he comes in the door.

Well, the door was locked, but this hole was in the door. He reaches his hand in this hole, and he leaves her this myrrh. It says, her hands dropped with myrrh.

Her fingers were sweet smelling myrrh upon the handles of the lock. Now, you might ask here, as we look at this, did this conflict start in the bedroom? Okay, there's a conflict brewing here, as we're seeing here.

Did it start in the bedroom? Did it start at this moment, or did it start sometime earlier, before?

One writer says, most problems in marriage do not begin in the bedroom, but many problems in marriage end up in the bedroom. And certainly that's true. The shulamite here, the bride here, most likely already had resentment toward Solomon. You say, well, preacher, why?

Well, Solomon was a king. And because he was a king, his job took him away a lot. He wasn't home a whole lot.

And so because of that, she didn't get the attention that she wanted. She probably had already resentment in her heart about the situation of him being gone so much, he wasn't spending enough time with her.

Now, I'm going to ask Debbie to come up for just a second, and she's going to share a testimony about that happening in our marriage at one point, and just to apply this tonight. So she's going to come up and share just a second back.

Debbie Wood: 00:09:33

I guess him and I were probably about 32, 33, and he'd been in full time ministry just maybe three years or so. And it was very consuming thing. We were running the christian theater. It took lots of time.

I mean, he was a man wearing all kinds of hats, and everything fell on him, and so he was gone a lot. But at the same time, our pastor resigned the church. And when he resigned the church, Sam was a preacher. I mean, a lot fell on him.

It's like he almost became the interim at that time. And there were a lot of other things, a lot of other, I'll say, demonic activity going on at that time in that church, just so much.

And there was a pulpit committee. They were trying to get another man to come in. There was conflict among the members about who they were trying to come in. It was an awful mess.

And Sam just. He ended up in a leadership position there at the same time running this ministry all by himself. And we had four children.

Josh was five, Daniel was three, Adam was two, and Philip was a newborn. And what was happening? Because all this stuff going on at church, they were having three to four deacons meetings a week at night.

He was running the theater, and that was several nights a week. Then they had this deacons meeting several nights a week, and I never saw Sam. And I had these. There was no family near me.

It was a lot on me to take care of all these kids. I mean, they were little. They demanded a lot of attention.

And instead of me looking at what the Lord was doing in all this situation, I started resenting the. Sam was never there, and it was hard. And the more I concentrated on all the unfairness of the situation, the worse it got.

And I even see Sam didn't even know this this afternoon, he was talking about this passage, and I said, I connect with her. I relate to what she's going on. And he never knew any of this went on.

But I actually got a calendar out, and I started marking the nights that he was away from home. And I was there alone. I mean, I was all day alone with the kids, but then I was all night alone with the kids. And there was so much.

I was exhausted, and I marked that calendar. And in marking that calendar, that just boiled me, the resentment got worse and worse and worse.

And ladies, this is not how to handle a situation like that. Because if you allow bitterness and resentment just to boil inside of you, it opens the door for the enemy to step in.

I mean, this is his favorite tool to use is resentment and bitterness. And it got so bad with me that I began to have a couple nightmares. And, I mean, I really brought myself.

I mean, I opened myself up to spiritual attack. And it got to the point that I had to call a friend to come over because I thought I was losing it.

I mean, I wanted to crawl in a hole and forget everything. And I had to call a friend over, just.

And I had a friend, Sandy Sykes, and she could pray and she understood and she came and she did battle with me that day to help me get through this. But I was so wrong to just let that resentment seethe within me. It was hard. And you know what I should have done, ladies?

I should have called Chris Fritz and I should have said, could you come keep the boys for a while? I need to get away with my husband. I need a little time with him. I need to talk to him. But you know something?

I never told Sam what was going to going on. He didn't know until this afternoon because I'd never told him before what a struggle this was and what resentment I had building up on me.

Now, I'm sure he felt the effects of it, because I'm sure I gave him cold shoulder just like she did. I'm sure I had a few choice remarks when the stress got high, but he never knew.

He was clueless because I never took the time to tell him what was going on then. And ladies, that is totally the wrong, wrong way to handle a situation like that. And you are.

You are opening yourself up for spiritual attack anytime. You keep that resentment inside of you. And if you focus on what's irritating in your relationship, you will become an irritating person.

So I think this is a real warning to us as ladies to watch out. And, you know, it might not be that easy.

Anything that could be irritating, if you're focusing on it and letting that resentment seethe up inside of you, it's dangerous.

Sam Wood: 00:14:57

And we have kissed and made up, and that's the best part. But, you know, when she shared that with me, I thought, you know, wow, of course that hurts, you know, and I asked her to forgive me.

I said, you know, I never realized that. Now, we've talked about a lot of things, so we teach about marriage all the time. But this is something else.

It just came up in talking about this passage here.

But, you know, not only did she not handle it right, but I really didn't handle it right either, because what a husband needs to understand is his wife needs time. You need to be sensitive to that. If you're away a lot, you need to be sensitive to your wife.

It says in one peter three seven that husbands are to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. And that word dwell means to take up residence or to live with and spend time with your wife.

Now, a lot of job situations require us to be gone for sometimes periods of time. But if that's your situation, guys, when you come home, you need to make a special effort to spend time with your wife.

You need to make a special effort to help around the house. You need to make sure that her emotional needs, you need to make sure that you take time to listen to her. You take time to talk to her.

Now, let's look at how Solomon responds in verse six. Look at the beginning of that verse. She said, I opened my beloved, but my beloved hath withdrawn himself and was gone. My soul failed when he spake.

Now, ladies, you need to understand something else about men, and you probably, maybe already understand some of this. And that is, men usually will respond to conflict with their wives in one of two ways.

The first way they'll respond is, and this isn't the way most men respond, I don't think. And that is to fight. I mean, he's going to stand there and verbally fight with her.

They're going to have it out verbally, and he's going to give harsh words and say things, and she's going to say things probably they're going to regret down the road. And so they have this verbal, verbal fight. Now, some men will abuse their wives, too, physically. And guys, listen to me.

If you abuse your wife, you're a dog. And I really think a guy who would hit his wife is lower than a dog. And when you say preacher, why are you saying that?

Because I just read a statistic not long ago. You say preacher. That doesn't happen much. I read a statistic just a few weeks ago.

It says 31% of women in America today have at some point either been abused physically or sexually by their husband or by a boyfriend at some time in their life. 31%, one in three. That's a horrible, horrible thing. Listen, guys, your wife is a gift to you from God. And treat her like a gift.

Treat her like a princess that God has given to you. Now, the first thing it might do is fight. Now, here's what most men do.

I think, from my experience in counseling and things, that is, they don't fight. They take flight. That's what Solomon did here. They take flight and then they fester. Okay? Or they start to pout about what happened.

Men are good powders. Some of you men are saying, preacher, I don't like this message. Well, it's just true. I mean, a lot of guys listen.

When they get in a conflict with their wife, they just take flight. They leave the house. They drive away in the car. Some men would go to a bar. Some men would go home to mama. But they like to run away.

They might go down to their workshop. They may go somewhere else. But a lot of husbands, a lot of men will take flight, just like Solomon did here. And they run away.

But look at how his wife responds. Look at how the shulamite responds. Here in the verses that follow, we see how this conflict is resolved.

And if we'll look at this closely, there's some good hints in here for us as couples and even for those who are not married, and how to resolve conflict when conflict comes our way. Now, the first thing we see is she pursues him. Look with me at the end of verse six, she says, I sought him, but I could not find him.

So she goes to pursue him. She's going to look for him. I sought him, but I couldn't find him. I called him, but he gave me no answer.

The watchman that went about the city found me. They smote me. They wounded me. The keepers of the walls took away my veil from me.

I charge you, o daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him that I am sick of love. Now she's out in the city, and she's looking for him. She's pursuing him. She wants to get things right with him.

And she starts talking to this chorus in this song and says, listen, daughters of Jerusalem, if you find him, tell him I am sick of love. I'm heartsick for him. I desire him. I want him to come back home. She's not content. Listen to me. Look at this.

She's not content to leave their marriage in a state no husband or wife should ever be content to leave your marriage in a state of conflict. She correctly desires resolution. She wants to resolve the problem. She wants to reconcile with her husband.

Now listen to the words of Jesus in Luke, chapter 17 and verse three. I preached a message on this about being offended. I don't know a year or so ago here Jesus said this, take heed to yourself.

If thy brother trespass against thee, the next word is rebuke him. And if you repent, forgive him. That word rebuke there means to seek them out. Go to them.

Even if they were wrong, you go to them with the intention to reconcile and resolve the situation. So you present the facts. You try to reconcile the relationship with your brother or with your sister.

Paul says it this way in Ephesians chapter four, verse 26, let not the son go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil. Now, when you don't resolve your conflict, what you're doing is giving place to the devil. The devil loves to sneak into your marriage.

He loves a conflict, and he will take that conflict and build a strong hellhold out of that in your marriage, and he'll use that to destroy your marriage relationships. Now let me stop and say something to you husbands too.

The husband is the head of his wife, and as being the designated head of your wife, loving your wife, as Christ loves the church, you should be the one who takes the first step to make sure this is resolved. Some of you men will say, well, my wife is a problem. She ought to resolve it. She ought to come to me.

Listen, what Jesus says is, we ought to go to each other. But if your wife didn't come to you, you as a husband, as a head, you shouldn't run away.

You should make sure that you try to resolve this situation, and you need to do it before the sun goes down. Don't go to bed at night with conflict in your marriage relationship.

Debbie Wood: 00:21:30

You have listened to the first part of a two part message by evangelist Sam Wood.

Host: 00:21:35

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