Parenting in a Broken World | Part 1

Host: 00:00:03

Welcome to the fortifying your family podcast. It can be daunting to navigate through an anti marriage and family culture.

Our teacher will expound biblical principles to help fortify our families and keep these sacred institutions strong. And now here's this week's teaching from Sam Wood.

Sam Wood: 00:00:23

I think one of the greatest needs that we have right now in our country and our churches is to understand God's plan for parenting. I think we're desperate. It's a desperate need.

I know I probably have said this old chinese proverb before when I've been here, but it bears repeating that one generation plants the trees and the next one gets the shade. And certainly a lot of us have been living in the shade of many prior generations that have been very godly and have laid a shade of gospel for us.

But never has it been more important that we as parents today are planting gospel trees, we might call them, and that we're giving shade to future generations. That's based on the word of God.

So I think the sessions, as pastor Peter said, too, that even though it's on parenting, you might say, my kids are not home anymore. They're grown. It applies to all of us as we all deal with different situations and we all deal with children.

And many of you, as I look around, which is wonderful to see, have a lot of children, and what a blessing that is to see, too. So I want to get started. We'll dive in this morning in the first session of four.

And I want to ask you to turn your bibles with me, if you would, to Ephesians chapter six. Ephesians chapter six. And really one of two passages really in the New Testament that speak directly on parenting.

So turn there with me, if you would, in Ephesians chapter six.

And we're going to look at verses one through four in our first session here this morning as I talk about the foundation of parenting, Ephesians chapter six. And I want to ask you if you would stand in honor of the word of God, if you're physically able to do that.

And this is his precious and perfect and living word. Amen. The precious, perfect, living word of our sovereign God.

And so, as we can give honor to it, let's do that this morning as we read his word together. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture or discipline and admonitional instruction of the Lord.

Many times I have pastors call me and they all say, brother Wood, I want you to do a family conference in our church. And, but I want to. I wanted to be on parenting, and I've never been to their church before. And I'll say, you know, that's fine.

I'd love to do a conference in your church on parenting, but I want to remind you that before you can parent, right, your people can parent right? They need to have a good marriage.

That is, generally speaking, I would do a marriage conference, and I'd encourage that pastor to do a marriage conference before we ever do a parenting conference, because you cannot parent right if your marriage is not right. And we'll talk a lot about that even as we go through these sessions.

And I certainly will mention that it is so, so important to understand that I love what William Farley says in his book Gospel powered Parenting. And I just want to quote him because I think this is just a great statement. He says parents who joyfully pursue God are contagious. I like that.

Joyful sacrifice for the gospel is contagious. A gospel that makes parents stable, sincere, loving, joyful, affectionate and humble is contagious.

Children will want a God that produces these qualities.

On the other hand, parents going through the motions of church, enslaved to rules, serving God to gain his acceptance, tolerating their spouses, or worse, engaging in open warfare, chase their children away from God and his church. When mom and dad preach one thing but do the opposite and don't repent to their children, it makes the world attractive in the gospel, irrelevant.

And what a powerful paragraph that is.

And I read that many years ago, and I often read over it, especially if I'm speaking on parenting, to remind those couples who are listening that it's so, so important to understand that our marriage is one of the most powerful gospel influences that we possess for our children. And to the degree that we live the gospel before our children, in our marriage, God will empower us, I believe, to reach and parent our children.

Our marriages, as I've often said, should be an earthly manifestation of the, of the heavenly relationship between Christ and the church.

Our children should see a picture of the gospel in miniature in their home with looking to mom and dad, and they should see a dad who's loving their mom as Christ loves the church, and they should see a mother who's submitting unto their dad even as the church submits to Christ.

That picture of the gospel is so powerful in your home and again, I'm taking time to mention this because it's so, so important that you remember that your marriage matters. It matters so much when it comes to parenting. So I just want to kind of drive that point home with you this morning.

But let me pause and just say a few words, too, in case there are some single parents here. And I know many times there are single parents. And God is certainly God's ideal.

If we look at the word of God, his ideal is a, excuse me, a godly married couple raising their children. But we are broken people on a broken stage in a broken world. And so the ideal is not always a reality.

In many cases, there are single parents praise God that he is a God of grace who rescues us out of the miry clay and puts our feet on solid ground.

And if you're a single parent here, you have the wonderful opportunity to demonstrate the power of God, to overcome adversity by trusting and obeying him.

And through your example as a single parent, your kids can learn how to utterly depend on God when things go wrong or when mistakes certainly are made. As we kind of dive in this morning, I want to first mention some things that are, I think, important to consider.

And the first thing I want to mention is the Christians approach to parenting. Certainly the Christian's approach to parenting is different than the world's approach to parenting.

I'm reminding of the verse in Colossians chapter two and verse eight where it says, beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not, and nothing after Christ. We live in a culture that replaces God's plan for parenting with man's plan for parenting. And through traditions of man.

And even many, I've found through the years, even many so called christian parenting books have integrated somewhat a lot of misleading psychological, we might say, conclusions with the Bible, integrated along with the Bible to make God's teaching more politically correct for a day in time. So we certainly have to be careful about what we read and the books we read and make sure that they are biblical and they're Christ centered.

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And I was surprised when a pastor came up to me and said, well, you know, in Ontario, here where we live, it says if you have children, you're required by the government to take a class and sign an agreement that basically states that you will raise your children according to the government's philosophy of parenting. I thought, it's no way I would do that. And cause I'm not going to compromise the gospel. I'm not going to compromise the word of God.

We shouldn't embrace the government's approach to parenting, but God's approach to parenting. So as christians, our approach to parenting will be different or our mindsets will be gospel centered.

Our goal is to learn how to raise children that will live a life that is glorifying to God. And listen. We've ministered to several couples, both married and divorced, where partners have differing ideas or approaches to parenting.

And it usually leads to a lot of problems in their home. Cause one parent takes this approach, the other parent takes this approach on parenting.

In fact, it's so important in our premarital counseling course that we have online, we do take some time to talk about and get them to talk about and think about. What is your approach when God brings children in your home that you're gonna take in raising those children?

Because if you don't settle that now, it could result in tremendous conflict, and we've seen it again happen in the future in your marriage when you do have children. So parents need to be on the same page, and that page is God's page.

And so I'm just taking a few minutes here this morning to drive home this point that it's important that we recognize that we do live in a broken world. And one parent may refuse to parent with a biblical perspective.

And those situations will require additional, certainly, grace filled explanations for the children in the home. But this is a matter of faith, and it's a matter of obedience to God. His way is certainly best for the child.

So let's get started this morning as we look at our text, which is only, as I said, one of two passages in the New Testament where God specifically deals with parenting. So look with me, if you would, back to Ephesians chapter six and verse one.

And I want to first say that parents, as we look at this passage, are the God ordained authority over their children. Parents are the God ordained authority over their children in verse one. Let me just read this passage one more time.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurturing abomination or the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In these verses, it's important to first understand that God has given the parents authority over their children.

And I think it's important as parents to understand that parental authority is foundational. Is foundational to the parent child relationships. Understanding parental authority is foundational.

If we don't get this right, everything else gets wrong. So it starts really right here. I think, as I say, that there are four important things or truths to keep in mind concerning parental authority.

Let me just mention them briefly here this morning. We can spend a lot of time on these, but let me just mention them briefly here to you this morning. The first one is this.

Whenever authority is given in the Bible, God requires, gives a balance to that authority. For example, wives are to submit unto their husband, but husbands are to what? Love their wives as Christ loves the church.

There's a balance, submission and headship. But there's a balance in the authority given to the husband over his wife. Children are to obey or to honor their parents.

But parents, as we see in verse four, and we'll talk about this, are not to provoke their children to wrath. Okay, servants, as we go further in this passage, are to obey their masters, but masters are not to treat their servants unjustly or unfairly.

So it's important to understand that even though we have the authority, that whenever authority is given, God always gives a balance to that authority. The second thing that's important to think about about authority is that authority is always granted for the benefit of the one under that authority.

God always gives authority for the benefit of the one who is under that authority.

For example, the apostle Paul says in two corinthians, chapter ten and verse eight, for though I should boast somewhat more of our authority or apostolic authority, which the Lord hath given us for edification or for building you up and not for your destruction, I should not be ashamed. Paul is stating that God gave him this apostolic authority not for their destruction, but for their benefit.

Not for their destruction, but for their edification, but for the benefit of the ones who were under the authority that was given to him. And as a parent, I can agree with that statement in my head, okay.

But I have to be cautious that the manner in which I enforce this authority demonstrates that it is for the benefit of my child. Also, I have to consistently and lovingly pause.

And when I do correct my children, that it's not out of, whether it's out of convenience or not, that my correction is based really not on frustration, it's not based on being embarrassed by my child, but on developing character, on developing integrity and an understanding of truth with my children based on the word of God. Now, God has assigned parents this authoritative power over their children.

But it's important that we must understand that there is someone who desires to steal this power away from us and take it from us. And this leads to the third thing I want to mention in regard to authority, and that is the authority does carry with it power, a lot of power.

For example, I can remember we have four sons, for those who don't know that and maybe new to hearing us speak, but we have four sons, and they are all in their thirties. Actually, my oldest son will turn 40. Wow. In just another few weeks. I guess I am getting old, but I am so thankful for them.

But my youngest son, Philip, who is in Lexington, Kentucky, where we now live, I can remember when he was small and just a little boy, and my other sons were out in the yard, and it was, we wanted them to come inside and get ready, wash your hands, get ready to eat. And I said, philip, go out and yell outside and tell your brothers that it's time to eat.

So he goes to the front door, gets on the deck, and he yells out, says, josh, daniel, adam, it's time to eat a come on inside. They just kind of shove him off and ignore what he says, and he comes back in. I said, well, did you tell them it's time to come inside?

He said, yeah, I did, but they didn't do anything. They didn't come. Then I told Philip this. I said, go back again and say to them, dad said, you better come inside and wash your hands.

It's time to eat. And I added authority. I added power to that statement because I said, dad said, and when he did that, they came inside.

Now, the truth of the matter is, it's rare that we'd ever have to beg them to come in to eat. Most of the time, we had to beg them to quit eating. You know, they would eat the table. They would eat everything in sight.

But authority does carry with it power. And the devil, listen, mom and dad, you know this. The devil wants to steal that power, that authority, away from you.

And that leads us to this fourth thing concerning authority, and that its parents must be careful then where they delegate their authority.

Now, this is a big one, especially today, and we must understand that we need to be very, very careful where we delegate the authority that God has given to us over our children.

For example, if you have a babysitter coming to your home and you leave your children with that babysitter, you're delegating your authority to that babysitter.

If you have a coach of a little league team, and I put my sons on that little league team and he's under that coach's authority, then I'm delegating my authority to that coach.

If I put my kids in a public school, in a school system and I leave them there, then I'm delegating my authority that the devil wants to steal away from me. I'm delegating it to that public school system.

If you put your children in front of a television set and there is no guidance there and no restriction, and you just leave them in front to watch whatever they want to watch, basically you're putting them under the authority of what they see on that television show. Now, it's important that we really, really think on this as we think about where we delegate our authority.

A cursing coach, listen, will teach my child to curse, will teach my child to swear and many other things. Probably they have a tremendous influence over my child.

A public school teacher who teaches critical race theory or a trans agenda, which many do in this day and time that we live, can turn the heart of my child away from truth of the word of God into man's philosophies and the traditions of man. So I have to determine what are the qualities that are essential. The one to whom I delegate my authority.

We always would ask ourselves this question as a mother and father when we put our children under someone else's authority. And certainly one of the main qualifications that I would have for them is that they would be what a Christian. They would know God.

But not only that they would know God, but they are pursuing God, that they are someone who is full of grace. They're someone who fears God, has an awe, reverence and respect for God. But I want to put my children under the influence of that type person.

And when I delegate my authority, I can do it for that person or that organization.

But certainly I must be careful not to do it or put them under the authority of someone who is not or has an agenda, the devil's agenda, to steal that authority away from me and take control of my childhood. They could be certainly very anti God.

Now, we see from verses one through three that God assigned parents with responsibility to establish their authority by training their children in two interrelated disciplines. That is, God says, listen, you have the authority over your children, but you are to train them, okay?

And establish your authority by training your children in two interrelated disciplines. The first one is to obey their parents and to obey means that the child willingly places themselves under the authority of their parent.

Now, I'll just ask you a question here this morning. Would a child naturally do that? Will they naturally just obey their parents? All of us who parents know the answer that is absolutely not.

They must be taught obedience. And I found it that I had to train myself. I really had to train myself.

And I know Debbie and I have talked about this a lot, to be consistently to teach and enforce obedience, to be consistent with it. When I was busy or distracted, it was so easy. If I wasn't careful, I'd overlook the necessity of requiring obedience for every directive that I gave.

If I was very, very busy, I could easily overlook that and I could let some of my requests slide. We might say, and I when I do that, I'm not training my child to obey me, but I'm training them to obey only when it's convenient.

And this leads my child to obeying God only when it's convenient. It's important that we train our children consistently, all the time to obey us.

I want my child to embrace in their heart that to obey means this, that she or he will completely do, completely do what I say when I say it, because they love and respect me. And this is the teaching that we use with our children. That is, we taught them to be first time obedient.

I'm sure many of you've heard that phrase, to be first time obedient, which basically means that when I ask them to do something, they do it without excuse. And you children need to listen to this, too, to do what I ask them to do without excuse, without delay, and without a bad attitude.

And I think there's three qualities that are very, very important that we understand in first time obedience that we teach our children.

If my child mumbles, my child gripes or complains while fulfilling my request, then that's not biblical obedience, because biblical obedience brings about peace, even as we see God's example of obedience, of us bringing about peace in Hebrews, chapter twelve. Now listen, this isn't easy. It requires a lot of effort. It requires for us to repeatedly reinforce these principles of first time obedience.

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And I often think to myself, if you were to train them when they're very young, that you are the authority and that they are to be first time obedient, you would not be having all these problems you're having right now. So it's very, very important. Now, we can spend a lot more time on this. I don't have really time to go into a lot more depth than that.

But the second interrelated discipline is to honor their parents. Now, to honor means to esteem someone in a high position in your life, to count them as a priceless treasure.

We might say unto yourself, now, children need to be trained to give honor to their parents. But we as parents need to make it easy for our children to honor us and to be honorable to us.

And we do that by living a life that is pleasing and honorable to God. And as we live a life as a parent that is pleasing and honorable to God, it makes it easier for a child to give honor to us.

Now, whenever children do not honor and obey, as we look at this passage, we see them placed under the judgment of God. There's a twofold blessing for the child who does obey and honor their parents.

example. In proverbs, chapter: 3017

The ravens of the valley shall pick it out and the young eagle shall eat it. That doesn't sound too good. You say, what does that mean? Mocks the eye that mocketh the child who rolls her eyes. Like you've seen that happen before.

I don't have to listen to you. I don't want to have to hear what you have to say. And God says that there's judgment upon that child. Listen.

Who does not honor and obey their parents. So I think it's important for us to understand as parents that we're on a rescue mission. A rescue mission. Listen. Of love.

To steer our children to honor and obey us. And when we train them to honor and obey us, they're under an umbrella of blessing of God.

I've often had my boys and I would bring them in, and I've done this many times, and I would bring them in, whether it's a devotional time or just supper time. And I'd get out the Bible and I'd read these verses and I'd say, listen, when you obey and honor mom and dad, you're under the blessing of Goddesse.

But when you do not obey and honor mom and dad, you remove yourself outside that blessing into the judgment of God.

I wanted to reinforce this truth that God gives us in these verses, in their heart, and the need to train them and understand that it's very, very important to God that they obey and honor us. You have listened to the first part of a two part message by evangelist Sam Wood.

Host: 00:25:44

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